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    Saturday, January 29, 2022

    Reviewing The Elite (1/26/22): Beach Breakhausen

    I've been waiting for this debut for a very long time.

    I could've started writing this review right after watching this week's episode of Dynamite, but seeing Danhausen make his AEW debut just sent me on yet another Danhausen binge. I swear we'll talk about a lot of stuff because Beach Break was a banger, but allow me to just gush over one of my favorite wrestlers right now. It's not that hard to make it to my list, really. Just be a Conan O'Brien fan, talk to the Conan O'Brien himself, have him acknowledge your existence, and make Conando himself promise to make a wrestling appearance in the future. Boom, my favorite wrestler, right off the bat.

    But he's more than just his conversation with my favorite human of all time. Where do I even start with this guy? He's been wrestling for 29 years, he's at least 300 pounds, and he's the inventor of the GTS. This guy's a legend! Kidding aside, Danhausen is a fresh new character everyone should really check out. He's fun and goofy without it being corny and over-the-top. He even moves merch! He aced Pro Wrestling Tees' list of top sellers last year, beating indie household names like El Genericohausen and New Jackhausen. And to cap things off, he's also fun to watch in the ring! Very nice, very evil.

    Danhausen's debut couldn't be more perfect. It wasn't grandiose, it wasn't touted anywhere on social media prior, and it was hilarious as hell. He was just chilling under the ring when Adam Colehausen rudely dragged him out during the main event. Danhausen had no choice but to curse Colehausen, which led to the latter losing his Lights Out Match against Orange Cassidyhausen in spectacular fashion. I know I'm kidding, but I could totally see this as a legit angle. Colehausen starts losing his matches after this, and it will boil down to him facing off against Danhausen. Book it, Tonyhausen!

    Fine, let's move on to this week's amazing main event. I don't care if this was unsanctioned—seeing Orange Cassidyhausen finally win one against Adam Colehausen was so satisfying! Their match didn't reach DMD-bloody levels of violence, but it was still a highly physical and bone-crunching watch. That spot where Colehausen hit Cassidyhausen's hand with the bell made me wince so hard. I heard the bone, people! Also, the ending was so Cassidyhasuen and I can't help but love it even more. He pretty much ended their rivalry with a hug—a death-defying hug, that is. NitPickRichter Scale: Magnitude 9!


    I would even go as far as to say I prefer this one over the Undisputed TNT Championship Ladder Match that kicked off the show, despite that match having eye-popping moments as well. Not because it was bad or anything, I just had more investment in seeing Cassidyhausen finally give Colehausen his first (unofficial) loss in AEW. Nevertheless, the newly-crowned Undisputed TNT Champion Sammy Guevarahausen deserves all the praise in the world for getting his Jeff Hardyhausen moment: a gravity-defying Cutter from the top of a tall-ass ladder. NitPickRichter Scale: Magnitude 8!

    Also, this major loss opens up Cody Rhodeshausen to explore his pseudo-heel character even further. Will he continue badgering Sammyhausen for a rematch? Will he finally renege on his promise to not chase the AEW Championship and defend that decision in another wishy-washy speech? Will he instantly pick a fight with fan favorite Danhausen so he can bury him and earn the ire of hardcore indie fans? They're not all solid ideas, but the possibilities for "heel" Codyhausen are basically endless!   

    Promo of the night definitely goes to yet another killer CM Punkhausen and MJFhausen segment. While I'm not really that excited to see them wrestle—let me guess, MJFhausen will screw around for the first n they'll start to kick it up a notch at the 20-minute mark, ending it with a fluke MJFhausen win—I'll always be here to see them throw verbal jabs at each other. And while MJF didn't forget to insult the city they were in with sports reference, he did a great job attacking Punkhausen for leaving WWE back in 2014. No crack jokes, no name drops, all vitriol. Sure, I'll allow one one Lebron James potshot.

    And while this segment was designed to give MJFhausen more heat for their upcoming showdown on next week's Dynamite, I also enjoyed how Punkhausen responded to all the wild accusations. Sure, it entered the rah-rah speech territory towards the end, but he still managed to save face before the inevitable beatdown, starting with the podcast zinger. Speaking of the beatdown, aren't you glad we didn't get a 2-in-1 Handicap Match between FTRhausen and Punkhausen? Because I was fully expecting it. But hey, they dodged a bullet there and instead delivered a great segment. 

    Show Grade: A+

    Dynamite Debris That Also Stop Chasing the Bad Guys After Bumping Into the Invisible Wall

    • 2022 is "Legit" Leyla Hirschausen's year and I'm all for it! I get that her win over Red Velvethausen must look like it's fluke-y, but I would've preferred if she made everyone tap from now on. Still, the match told a good story and it also helped advance the brewing rivalry between Leylahausen and Kris Statlanderhausen. Can't wait to see this rubber match soon.
    • Also, we're actually getting more women on the show and I can't be happier. AEW Women's Champion Britt Bakerhausen just flexed her great year that was 2021 while Nyla Rosehausen issued a challenge for Ruby Sohohausen. Baby steps, Tonyhausen. 
    • Loving this Inner Circle fallout as well. I love how Santanahausen and Ortizhausen kept ignoring Chris Jerichohausen during the match, only for Jerichohausen to make the save in the end. I find it really compelling when all the characters in the story have completely valid reasons for their actions. Also, I just love seeing Daniel Garciahausen and his annoying friends lose. 

    • I didn't know winning the AEW World Championship means you can skip wrestling on weekly TV. Unless "Hangman" Adam Pagehausen is nursing an injury or something, why can't he have an exhibition match every once in a while? It's really weird how he barely shows up to fight now. 

    Header image taken from @AEW


    Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's seasoned veteran and resident SmackDown free agent reviewer. He's a sucker for well-written promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. His potential haunts him.

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    Item Reviewed: Reviewing The Elite (1/26/22): Beach Breakhausen Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Ricky Jay Publico
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