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    Thursday, March 21, 2019

    SmackDown RunDown Live (3/19/19): One Swerve Away From KofiMania

    Vince McMahon is a dick. Daniel Bryan is a dick. I hate wrestling now. *spits on the ground out of disgust*

    For a few minutes of pure frustration, we, the smarkiest of smarkiest of smarks, got converted into the dorkiest marks after seeing yet another KofiMania swerve. Seeing Kofi Kingston beat the odds in this week’s thrilling gauntlet match was the ultimate catharsis for everyone who wants to make KofiMania happen. But Vince McMahon had to come out and tell everyone to stop making KofiMania happen because it’s never going to happen. Vince is totally going in my wrestling burn book. Fugly slut.

    What did this wrinkly-ass man do this time? 

    He added one extra opponent for Kofi Kingston and it was Daniel Bryan. Bet you couldn't have guessed that. A year after he came back from retirement, did you even think he’ll play the bad guy in a remake of his underdog story that made him a household name in the first place? 

    What I can appreciate about this last-minute addition is that at least Kofi didn’t go down without a fight. They gave fans a glimmer of hope before shutting down KofiMania, supposedly for good. It still hurts just writing about it.

    Let’s appreciate the choices made for this gauntlet match, shall we? It’s not a coincidence how Kofi Kingston’s opponents happened to be the biggest guys on the SmackDown Live roster. Every division was represented; from the biggest tag team in Sheamus and Cesaro; the biggest midcard champion in Samoa Joe; D-Bry’s massive enforcer in Rowan, and one of the biggest main event player in WWE history in Randy Orton. Calling Kofi’s victory poetic justice is an understatement, which then makes the final betrayal even more treacherous.

    Most of the locker room supporting Kofi Kingston was also a lovely touch. Every babyface who cut a promo this week didn’t forget to cheer Kofi on before this week’s momentous main event. That’s some wholesome shit right there. And I also appreciated how Randy Orton, the man who derailed Kofi’s push years ago, gave Kofi enough time to take a breather by applying long restholds and taunting the crowd a little longer than expected. Whether that was the plan or Orton just cares about Kingston, I still applaud him for it. Good job, Randy.

    So what happens now? Your guess is as good as mine at this point. If KofiMania is really a rerun of Daniel Bryan’s road to WrestleMania XXX, then we’ll probably have an Occupy SmackDown Live segment next week or something. Or maybe he’ll go the Stone Cold/Kurt Angle route and demand a WWE Championship rematch using a pancake syrup truck (figure that out). It’s the hallmark of a great storyline to keep fans guessing and SmackDown Live has pretty much mastered the art of it. Let’s just be glad KofiMania’s not going to be a fluke.

    Kofi Kingston will receive a title shot, it’s just a matter of when. And you bet your ass he’s going to win the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 35, it’s just a matter of how it will all go down. Until then, let’s all keep believing. #KofiMania

    SMACKDOWN RUNDOWN: I’m pretty sure making marks out of all of us is the genius of this week’s episode. Kofi Kingston’s uphill battle left everyone at the edge of their seats while Daniel Bryan became the biggest asshole in WWE right now. That’s almost impossible on paper, but here we are. Plus, we got an IIconics win, a fun KO Show segment, and Miz dropping bombs on Shane-O. It’s only appropriate to award this show a strong A+. Kofi’s going to occupy SmackDown Live next week, isn’t he?

    The RunDown Cutting Board

    • The only upside on this Miz/Shane fallout is that we can finally cheer for The Miz unironically. I’m also glad he’s incorporating the same intensity he had when he was berating then-GM Daniel Bryan in his current babyface run. Those McMahon zingers, too! Imagine the likes of Kofi Kingston and The Miz as flag bearers of SmackDown Live’s main event scene. These guys have come a long way since their midcard limbo days.
    • Finally, the IIconics scored a win that actually matters! I guess I should be hyped that Sasha Banks and Bayley made an appearance on SmackDown Live, buy my attention immediately goes to the tag team worth rooting for. Boss N’ Hug vs. IIconics at WrestleMania 35, anyone? Okay, that's probably a reach, but a man can dream.
    • This week’s Kevin Owens Show would’ve been perfect if Owens did all the talking and Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch just started beating each other up. Still not buying this charade that KO’s now a good guy but if he keeps delivering entertaining segments like this, I’ll probably accept it.
    Photos from WWE.com

    Ricky Publico (@NitPickRick) is a wrestling fan who enjoys watching high flyers and brawlers battle it out in the ring. A known Botchamania binge-watcher, he claims to have memorized the chronological order of Royal Rumble winners, but fails to remember who won in 2004. He writes stories about life and nonsense.
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    Item Reviewed: SmackDown RunDown Live (3/19/19): One Swerve Away From KofiMania Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Ricky Jay Publico
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