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    Tuesday, March 29, 2016

    #ThemeSongTuesday (3/29/16): The Music Of WrestleMania 32

    WrestleMania season has not only been upon us, it’s broken into our homes and currently has a fist in our mouths, slowly inching further down our throats until it finally hits the esophagus on April 4th. Do you feel slightly violated and are now paying attention? Great!

    Now, #ThemeSongTuesday has returned after its Holy Week absence, and we’re ready to talk WrestleMania 32’s themes. Ready for a strange listen into two extremely different genres for this one clusterfuck of a ‘Mania? An EP’s worth of tracks have been announced as part of this year’s bundle of themes, so get those headphones on and prepare to be confused!

    Source: WWE
    The five songs currently representing WrestleMania 32 can be divided into two sections: Hard rock and Flo Rida, who recently seems to be WWE’s hip-pop equivalent of Limp Bizkit. Starting with the first official theme of this year’s WrestleMania, we delve into the first track: “My House”, by Flo Rida.

    Vince McMahon’s been wanting WrestleMania 32 to be the biggest one to date, so selecting a song that’s big enough to be heard on both pop radio and a SuperBowl commercial as its main theme is a smart move. “My House” is a senselessly fun “house party” anthem with a catchy enough chorus to illicit a neutral-positive reaction, but does it make sense? Cheese-stuffed garlic knots as a pizza’s crust does, but this theme does not share the same logical, delicious fate.

    Now we’re not denying the immense fun of a ‘Mania house party, but “My House” is a theme that would only make sense—to put it simply—with the kayfabe switch turned off. Go ahead. Try making anything about this song fit the violence and serious ongoing storylines.

    Welcome to my house!
    Source: WWE
    Wrapping up the Flo-Rida section, it’s Flo-Rida’s “Hello Friday” featuring Jason Derulo.

    It’s pretty much a lot of the same, except it’s a song about having fun on a Friday. That’s pretty much all we can say about “Hello Friday” at this point, but major props to Mr. Rida for using “Oreo cookie” in reference to a threesome. We get that Flo-Rida is a fan of the product and also makes millions releasing music, but couldn’t he have at least written a quick song about Sunday? You know, the night the event you’re providing a theme song for is taking place? A majority of fans got easily tired of Flo Rida’s out of place, cookie cutter feel-good music for an event as big as WrestleMania. Those who were quick to criticize hip-hop/pop as genres that were “unfit for wrestling” were met with WrestleMania 29’s theme “Coming Home” by Diddy-Dirty Money feat. Skylar Gray as proof that you can have a popular hip-hop song serve as a theme and still fit the WrestleMania feel.

    This is what happens when Limp Bizkit sets the quality standard.
    On that note, we move on to the opposite side of the spectrum, or what many marks would call the “greener grass” of this year’s themes. The highly-favored Hard rock section starts with newcomers Goodbye June’s “Oh No”.

    This rowdy song mixes the heavy blues aspect in so well, I’m reminded of the beautifully chaotic mess that was the church sequence from Kingsman: The Secret Service.

    With a progression so hard-hitting and vocals that only complement the intensity, Goodbye June’s theme would fit anywhere from the Seven-Man Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship to the Triple Threat for the Diva’s Championship. Let’s hear those opening lyrics being sung again, though…

    “Bet you thought that I would lay down and die…”  
    “I never for a second thought that I was dead, oh no…”

    Case closed. We know exactly where this fits. Well played, Goodbye June.

    Source: WWE
    Avenged Sevenfold joins the mix of bands with the title track off their latest album, “Hail To The King”.

    Although we’re most likely hearing one of WWE music legend Flo Rida’s themes open WrestleMania 32, the first minute of A7X’s theme would kill it as the music first heard over fireworks. Just cut it before the lyrics come in, or the AT&T Stadium and the millions watching around the world will be getting an earful of these vivid lyrics that are totally not in bad taste due to current events, nope not at all:

    “Watch your tongue or have it cut from your head / Save your life by keeping whispers unsaid
    Children roam the streets, now orphans of war / Bodies hanging in the streets to adore”

    “Hail To The King” falls short when applied anywhere else, as the rest of the song is fairly generic and nothing we haven’t heard before. No, it’s literally nothing we haven’t heard before. A rock song about a ruthless king? Whhhere hhhave we hhheard thhhat again?


    Finally, we have “Sympathy For The Devil”, a Rolling Stones cover from Motörhead, who have performed at WrestleMania 17 and WrestleMania 21.

    We’re introduced to the devil by the devil himself through clues and a long list of accomplishments throughout history. Masterfully playing the part is the late Lemmy Kilmister, close friend to Triple H and actual singing voice of the devil. By the 4:30 mark, I've already got a video package for the Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon playing in my head. That's as far as that goes for where this could fit, since the Undertaker's got the demon/devil character advantage. It's also a great way to pay tribute to Kilmister and his legendary voice; instantaneously recognizable in one of the most iconic theme songs of all time.

    Well aware that choosing Flo Rida's "My House" was a safe pick on WWE's end, WrestleMania 32 still could've done well with a more daring theme. Ultimately, Goodbye June's "Oh No" stands out from the rest. The heavy guitars, upbeat drums, and the vocal breaks in between bring the fun they try to get across with Flo Rida's music, so we can actually still sound fun without having to go to whoever has a song on the Billboard Hot 100 for a main theme.

    What are your favorites from the official theme songs for WrestleMania 32? Would you keep Flo-Rida's themes or switch them out? Let us know in the comments below!


    When he isn't writing Smark Henry's #ThemeSongTuesday column, Lorenzo Magnaye hosts the #HomeRun on 99.5 PlayFM. It's a good thing, too, since his childhood consisted mostly of watching professional wrestling and listening to his parents on the radio. He's only recently rekindled his love for the WWE, and has been trying to make up for missing out on everything post-WrestleMania XX by praying to Seth Rollins thrice a day. Follow him on Twitter: @RenzoSaurus!
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