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    Tuesday, March 15, 2016

    #ThemeSongTuesday (3/15/16): ...WHAT?!

    We’re a day shy from 3/16/16, the unofficial “Stone Cold” Steve Austin Day, so get your walis tambo, dustpan, and a sibling to blame because we're shattering glass on this week's #ThemeSongTuesday!

    Source: WWE
    This is the theme song of a character that not only started the now ever-longed for "Attitude Era", but was the centerpiece for a majority of its most memorable moments. The very first moment, however, came about when Steve Austin cut this historic promo following his 1996 King of the Ring coronation.

    In under two minutes, we were hit by the Texas Rattlesnake's abrasive, disrespectful persona. The dude literally makes fun of born-again Christian opponent Jake "The Snake" Roberts' Bible by making his own virtuous verse, Austin 3:16, which apparently simply reads: "I just whooped your ass!" While it's not exactly a verse we'd pick for a passage reading at a wedding, the now iconic catchphrase ran five words long, yet raked in millions (aaaand millions) of dollars in merchandise sales.

    "I Won't Do What You Tell Me" by Jim Johnston remains as one of the greatest pro-wrestling themes of all-time, and the formula was simple enough. So, you have an antihero that fucks shit up, hates authority, and is fun to watch? Let's make his theme whatever the hell that sounds like. Jim Johnston previously had trouble composing a theme for Austin's previous character "The Ringmaster" due to it being a downright bland gimmick, but the newer, edgier "Stone Cold" was definable.

    Source: WWE
    Austin approached Johnston with Rage Against The Machine's "Bulls On Parade" as a peg for his new character's first entrance theme, so eight hours and a last-minute, heavily-produced, thick glass shatter later, Jim Johnston created "Hell Frozen Over", the very first of Austin's long list of glass shattering themes.

    "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's anarchic being is placed front-and-center from the very first second. Just read what Johnston himself said about creating the now-famous glass shattering effect:
    When WWE Classics asked Johnston about the famous glass shattering sound effect, the composer told us it was his idea. “But I had difficulty creating a glass break that felt violent enough,” he revealed. “[Austin’s] glass break ended up being a combination of three different glass breaks, someone falling downstairs and a car crash all mixed together.”
    - Source
    What the Stone Cold character did to the status quo and those who tried to protect it (The McMahons, + The Corporation) could be put as three different glass breaks, falling downstairs, and a car crash all mixed into one, but that'd be putting it lightly. He went on to be the face of WWE's most definitive era, helping the company back into mainstream popularity and beyond.

    What was your favorite version of Steve Austin's theme? Let us know in the comments below! Happy 3:16 Week!


    When he isn't writing Smark Henry's #ThemeSongTuesday column, Lorenzo Magnaye hosts the #HomeRun on 99.5 PlayFM. It's a good thing, too, since his childhood consisted mostly of watching professional wrestling and listening to his parents on the radio. He's only recently rekindled his love for the WWE, and has been trying to make up for missing out on everything post-WrestleMania XX by praying to Seth Rollins thrice a day. Follow him on Twitter: @RenzoSaurus!
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