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    Wednesday, April 7, 2021

    The RAW RhetoRick (4/5/21): Terrible Bunny

    A 20-minute Drew McIntyre vs. Baron Corbin match. That's how RAW decided to send everyone home for the Show of Shows, WrestleMania Two Swords. Need I say more? I'm Ricky Publico, and this is the RAW RhetoRick?

    Do I really have to bitch about how they ruined Bobby Lashley for the second consecutive week? I don't have the strength and patience, to be honest. I don't want to dwell on the fact that they've turned the best WWE Champion in years into a completely bland man. For a man who apparently doesn't need help taking out Drew McIntyre, he sure asked for it a lot. So I'll be copying what I did last week on SmackDown and instead, I'll be focusing on other storylines. The main event's not the only thing RAW ruined this week.


    If there's anyone who can put the bad in Bad Bunny, it would be the dumbass writers running RAW. Seriously, how did you manage to ruin this delightful little rivalry? We're so close to WrestleMania! All they had to do was to make Miz vs. Bad Bunny a tag team match and they're good. This could have easily been done through a short, inexpensive backstage promo. A sneak attack would've been fine! This is not a major story that requires all the time in the world to build up. Other storylines could've used the time they've wasted.

    Did we really need to drag a Bugatti into the mix? Out of all the car vandalism segments WWE has ever done, this one has to be the lamest. I get that we can't make cars explode or drown them with cement, but did they really have to use paintbrushes to deface an expensive car? Yes, because the coolest vandals used paintbrushes to mark their territories back at the height of gang wars. Ever heard of spray cans? Also, is it really that expensive to break a few windows and add a few dents to sell the idea of disrespect?


    And if that wasn't enough, they let Bad Bunny cut the lamest, most nonsensical promo. Despite how heartfelt it was, the words just didn't add up. Why is he complaining about being attacked in WWE? If he's really the fan he claims to be, shouldn't he expect random violence? And a few seconds later, he contradicted himself by trying to justify what he did to The Miz last January. Bad Bunny dealt the first blow and now he's shocked when Miz and JoMo decided to strike back. What a compelling babyface. (/s)

    I also enjoyed the way he said he was just there to perform his hit song "Booker T" at the Royal Rumble. If that's the case, why did he hang around for three more months? He didn't just hang around, mind you, he even interrupted a few matches to give his friend Damian Priest *shoots invisible arrow* some help in scoring victories. Those aren't really the actions of an unassuming fan just looking to have fun now, does it? Great job painting one of the best mainstream stars in years as another entitled celebrity. Stupid.


    ASUKA AND RHEA RIPLEY! CAN THEY COEXI—no, they can't. That's it, that's literally the build for Asuka vs. Rhea Ripley, the top storyline from the women's division of RAW. See, this is why people online are saying this year doesn't feel like WrestleMania at all. Because of shit like this. They had three three-hour shows to set it all up and they still failed miserably. You couldn't even argue that there wasn't enough time because SmackDown set up Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn perfectly within a couple of two-hour episodes. Pathetic.

    Even the lackluster build of Sasha Banks vs. Bianca Belair is a million times better than Asuka vs. Ripley, and both matchups deserved being the marquee matches for their respective brands. It baffles me why the monkeys with typewriters on RAW couldn't dedicate a segment or two to tell a decent story for Asuka and Rhea Ripley. They could've literally cut Braun Strowman's dumb monologue and Bad Bunny's long-winding promo to let both women wrestle a match or cut scathing promos. Was that really too much to ask?

    CLOSING RHETORICK: They fucked it, pure and simple. It doesn't matter if it's WrestleMania or if it's a storyline you really enjoyed—RAW will find a way to ruin it all for everyone. I can't believe a show run by terrible writers and piloted by a senile old man is even allowed to exist in our weekly wrestling schedule. Must be Monday. Anyways, that's it for the RAW side of things. Now let me enjoy the rest of my WrestleMania week in peace. I still haven't caught up with NXT yet.

    Show Grade: Does it even matter at this point?

    RhetoRickal Statements That Randomly Turn Into Colorful Birds

    • Can someone who's had a history of bulldozing people and flipping vehicles over claim he's being bullied by the least athletic person in WWE? I keep forgetting that the point of this angle is to make Braun Strowman a believable babyface. Where's the weekly Strowman humiliation? They even ruined that for me. Fuck you, RAW.
    • To be fair, I enjoyed Riddle vs. Mustafa Ali despite the former's random bird entrance. I just loved how Riddle just stared directly at Sheamus before delivering a devastating Bro Derek, the one time it looked cool as hell.
    • I also loved how Billie Kay made that backstage promo more enjoyable than it really was. And she's teaming up with Carmella at WrestleMania? That's nice. They probably won't win, but it's a great first step towards a memorable pairing. Hopefully.

    Header image taken from WWE.com

    *****

    Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's seasoned veteran and resident main roster reviewer. He's a sucker for well-written promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. His potential haunts him.

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    Item Reviewed: The RAW RhetoRick (4/5/21): Terrible Bunny Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Ricky Jay Publico
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