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    Wednesday, April 28, 2021

    The RAW RhetoRick (4/26/21): Déjà Bleh 2: Electric Boogaloo

    I love how I can easily skip this week's first 20 minutes because it's literally the same match from last week's abysmal show. That saved me a huge chunk of my time reviewing this equally awful episode. I'm Ricky Publico, and this is the RAW RhetoRick.

    But before you accuse me of not doing my job as a reviewer properly, I went back to the first part of the show to check if they did something creative. Nope! It started with a handicap match that ended in DQ, then it became a tag team match that ended with T-Bar and Mace winning in bullshit fashion. So yeah, I ended up still wasting the time I saved so now I'm in a foul mood. On the plus side, I guess we now know Drew McIntyre will face Braun Strowman next week in a stipulation match or something. Hey look, I'm a RAW writer now! Where's my check, Vince? 


    I also love how they tried to make us all care about the sorry state of the WWE Championship scene with a promo from the returning Bobby Lashley and MVP. I love how both of them are terrified of Triple Threat matches because that's how he lost his United States Championship two months ago. I didn't know the monkey writers backstage were aware of the concept of continuity. I really thought they were going to do something drastic in protest but nah, the promo's sole function is to announce that they will be at ringside for the main event. I'm adding this to my list of wrestling pet peeves.

    The worst part of it was Bobby Lashley and MVP failing miserably to "protect their business investment" by being comically inefficient at ruining matches. Why the fuck did Bobby Lashley distract the referee when he should be the one doing the heavy lifting behind the referee. Lashley could've easily speared Braun Strowman while MVP was busy giving the ref a talking to, which is, you know, MVP's literal job for Lashley? This main event is so dumb it hurts. And now we're getting a Triple Threat match at WrestleMania Backlash? Great, a match everyone wanted! Stop spoiling us, RAW. /s


    They even managed to ruin unhinged Charlotte Flair for me. Did we really need her to make an appearance? Why run a suspension angle when you can't even honor it for more than one week? It's such a shame how they used it to advance the Adam Pearce vs. Sonya Deville storyline, a C-class angle at best. And yes, it's so unhinged of her to apologize to a goddamn referee. Great job building her up as this vicious monster only to send her back to mediocrity with a basic Mandy Rose match.

    What even is the story here? Are they setting up a Charlotte Flair vs. Eddie Orengo feud? Unless he's secretly a spectacular wrestler who can do a Standing Phoenix Splash like it's nothing, I honestly don't get why it's important to show that Charlotte can easily bully WWE officials. I honestly thought they were going to write her off for a month or two so they could let Rhea Ripley shine as the RAW Women's Champion. But no, let's have her back and be mean to non-wrestlers. Riveting stuff. /s


    Speaking of Rhea Ripley, they pretty much ruined her too by letting her team up with heels. What's worse than winning a title in a heatless match? Make the champion's character confusing and irrelevant. I didn't dream of seeing Rhea Ripley getting attacked by Charlotte two weeks ago, right? And then last week, she helped Asuka pin Charlotte in retaliation. That wasn't a dream, right? And then this week, they just decided to declare her as a heel by suddenly being buddy-buddy with the Women's Tag Team Champions... What the hell did I miss here? Did I miss a week of my life or something?

    It's bad enough that they have no idea how to treat Asuka as a character. In Creative's eyes, Asuka's just a crazy lady screaming nonsense in Japanese, and that alone makes her a babyface, somehow. What's their excuse with Rhea Ripley this time? She's a fluent English speaker who's been cutting babyface-like promos for two weeks now. Why are they still clueless about her character's alignment? Also, why is she taunting her opponent like a five-year-old? And to top things off, Rhea Ripley—the one they're trying to push—didn't even get the pin for her team. Grade-A booking, this one. /s

    CLOSING RHETORICK: RAW sucks. That's really all I can say. I hate how I'm draining three hours of my life for this horrible excuse of a show. I don't even know who to blame and at this point, I don't even care. Fuck this show. I can't wait to review SmackDown on Friday.

    Show Grade: BARF

    RhetoRickal Statements That Are Also Going to Need a Bigger Boat

    • Jesus H. Christ, Adnan Virk. I was rooting for you! But man, what a week you had on commentary. You heard train noises and the first reference you could think of was "We're gonna need a bigger boat?" Seriously? You saw wrestlers throwing fresh tomatoes at other people and you dish out a Rotten Tomatoes quip? Pathetic. I don't mind that you're the generic play-by-play guy. I just hate how outdated—and now dumb—your forced pop culture references are. Just be boring, please.
    • Okay, you know what? I dig RK-Bro. It's so random how Randy Orton suddenly found Riddle's pun catchy that he just had to team up with the guy, but fuck it, it's great! Their first match as a tag team was the only match worth watching this week. So yeah, if you somehow want to watch a single segment from this week's episode, this is it.
    • You know what's worse than one six-man tag match? Two six-man tag matches! And just like the one after it, the first six-man tag failed its sole purpose of getting the new star over. I could excuse the boring combo of Elias and Miz, but I can't forgive RAW for not giving Damian Priest *shoots invisible arrow* the goddamn chance to make himself look good mere weeks after his WrestleMania debut.

    Header image taken from WWE.com

    *****

    Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's seasoned veteran and resident main roster reviewer. He's a sucker for well-written promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. His potential haunts him.    

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    Item Reviewed: The RAW RhetoRick (4/26/21): Déjà Bleh 2: Electric Boogaloo Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Ricky Jay Publico
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