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    Tuesday, March 9, 2021

    The RAW RhetoRick (3/8/21): All Mighty First Hour

    One week has passed, and I'm still salty about missing Bobby Lashley's coronation last week. Now, I'm even more pissed he defended his title at the beginning of the show. While I'm glad I didn't have to wait three hours to see Lashley in action, I still want the newly-crowned champ to headline every episode. I'm Ricky Publico, and this is the RAW RhetoRick.


    Whoever booked this show must have thought it was Opposite Day because Bobby Lashley successfully retaining the WWE Championship should be the final image of this week's episode of RAW. Sure, it's not like Lashley vs. Miz would be a technical masterpiece, but Lashley's new All Mighty entrance alone deserves the main event spot. Instead, we got another bland Randy Orton match with Fiend shenanigans and black vomit on the side. Also, why would Miz face Bobby Lashley without any strategic planning? 

    You'd think he would spend the entire episode coming up with ridiculous schemes. Instead, he just cut a lengthy promo about how he was screwed over by Shane McMahon. Don't get me wrong, it was on-brand with his character, but I just wish they did Miz's character some justice. How hard is it to shoot backstage segments of Miz and JoMo trying to cut deals with other jobbers to help him fight Lashley in the main event? They could have even used these segments to set up the Miz vs. Bad Bunny tag match at WrestleMania.  


    And if they didn't want to headline this week's episode with a WWE Championship rematch, why not just have Drew McIntyre and Sheamus destroy each other to close the show just because? Another highlight of last week's glorious episode was the opener between these two former friends. Their rubber match with weapons definitely deserved a higher spot on the show. If you're not planning to salvage Sheamus's character, at least let him get that main event exposure he deserves. Yes, I'm still salty about it.

    As for the match itself, there's no better way to describe it other than two burly men go brrrrrrr. Imagine a kid playing with Drew McIntyre and Sheamus action figures, and that kid just started banging the toys against each other until one of them lost an arm or a leg. And imagine if that kid was somehow smart enough to book a satisfying ending without necessarily burying either man's stock. At one point, Sheamus just yeeted a steel chair towards McIntyre's face, and it was awesome! You'd have loved to see it!

    If they keep this up, we can probably expect to see this rivalry get dragged to WrestleMania 37. And since Bobby Lashley can't lose his title before then, is it safe to say we're getting a Triple Threat match for the WWE Championship? Man, screw that. I've already placed my hopes on a Roman Reigns vs. Edge vs. Daniel Bryan match at 'Mania. We can't have two Triple Threat matches headlining one show. That will activate an ancient curse that will turn the entire world upside down. Didn't you know that? 


    And then there's Shane McMahon picking a fight with Braun Strowman, a random pairing for sure. Lucky for me, I freaking love Shane McMahon and hate Braun Strowman, so it works for me. Every minute of Petty Strowman getting dunked on is quality entertainment in my book. Besides, I'm digging this version of Shane-O. He's still the reasonable authority figure we all know and love, only sassier. Shane putting Strowman in his place is satisfying to me, no matter how nonsensical it seems.

    If you don't know who to root for, that's okay—you don't always have to root for someone anyway. Sometimes, it's more fun to root against the guy you hate seeing in your wrestling. So yes, I'm not ashamed to say I'm hyped to see this little rivalry unfold. I'm glad someone is standing up to the entitled train worker and that someone being Shane McMahon is just a welcome bonus. I look forward to seeing more segments of Shane embarrassing Strowman every chance he gets, simply because he can.

    CLOSING RHETORICK: This week's episode was weird. It's not as bad as it usually would be. It just lacked focus and order. Bobby Lashley opening the show right after his big win last week definitely did it for me and Randy Orton closing the show pissed me even more. Aside from the McIntyre vs. Sheamus match and Shane McMahon doing the Lord's work, the rest was just noise. I wonder if next week's show will blow everyone away if I'm not reviewing it? Maybe I'm the problem.

    Show Grade: C

    RhetoRickal Statements That Bow Down to the All Mighty

    • I will always love Xavier Woods, but the Hurt Business should at least enjoy a mini-winning streak because they're legit the best stable in WWE right now. Losing via Small Package? That sucks. They should give all the momentum to Bobby Lashley's cohorts as well, no matter how small.
    • I love how Alexa Bliss still had the better explosion effect in wrestling this week despite missing a ring post. She should definitely take notes from Kane. 
    • Yo, check out this fire promo from Peyton Royce. Who knew RAW Talk is also capable of producing great backstage promos like this? Now I want to see Asuka vs. Peyton Royce. What can I say? I'm easily convinced.
    • So Mustafa Ali completely forgot about Kofi Kingston, huh? At least he's gunning for something relevant. I'm just waiting for his mates to turn on him so he can be interesting again. He's a great heel, after all, just not a great character. When they do release him from his Retribution shackles, they should re-write him as a better villain.
    • Did they give up on making Lana a "mega babyface" as well? Man, I really enjoyed her gimmick of winning by luck. Now she's just floating around the women's tag division. Also, does this mean Reginald will no longer tail Sasha Banks? Hooray!
    • If you're going to waste our time, RAW Creative, at least give R-Truth better material to work on. He used to be funny, you know.

     

    Header image taken from WWE.com

    *****

    Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's resident main roster reviewer...  for better or worse. A known lover of tournaments, he's a sucker for well-executed promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. LET HIM IN 

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    Item Reviewed: The RAW RhetoRick (3/8/21): All Mighty First Hour Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Ricky Jay Publico
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