Finally, a main event match ripped straight from Vince McMahon's wet dream. And you know what, I enjoyed the hell out of it. I'm Ricky Publico, and this is the RAW RhetoRick.
Let's celebrate the fact that Bobby Lashley finally headlined a show like he's supposed to. Everything about him is worth waiting three hours for. And did you notice how his entrance video was slightly tweaked to become more epic and almighty than last week? Amazing presentation rightfully reserved for the WWE Champion. From his opening promo to the moment he speared Sheamus for the hard-fought victory, there's no doubt that "The All Mighty" Bobby Lashley made this week's episode must-watch.
And, of course, we can't ignore the MVP of RAW for the past few weeks: Sheamus. His character may still be shite, but his matches have all ranged from good to excellent. Now that's a performance streak only Buddy Murphy achieved on SmackDown Live back in 2018. Whether it's Jeff Hardy, Drew McIntyre twice, or Bobby Lashley, Sheamus can push almost everyone to their limits, and I especially love to see it. Too bad we probably won't see a proper ending to his arc. Why is Drew the one headed to WrestleMania?
I really thought Drew McIntyre and Sheamus would be at least for the right to face Bobby Lashley at Fastlane. Isn't the automatic rematch clause void when Shane McMahon is around? If the plan is for Drew to get over, you could at least give Sheamus that glimmer of hope that his heel turn wasn't a total waste. Can they at least save him by ending their match at Fastlane with a show of respect, a handshake or a hug, perhaps? Because that's really all you have to do to bring back Sheamus to the good side.
Also, can I just say how I hate Drew McIntyre's whole character? This is a safe space, right? Because holy shit, didn't they learn from the Roman Reigns experiment? I just hate seeing the same mistakes over and over again. Am I the only one seeing the pattern? Don't you just hate how he's trying so hard to be snarky? Don't you hate how the only cuss word he knows is bitch? And he's doing alliterations now? Jeez, Louise. Reigns suffered a succotash (son), so Drew McIntyre can call everyone big bald bitches. Smh.
I'm really sorry for being too giddy about this, but I really enjoyed the beatdown of Braun Strowman. I've been swamped with work the past few weeks, but seeing Shane McMahon pummel Strowman with a camera made my whole day. Don't expect a critical opinion from me when it comes to this angle. Yes, it's nonsensical and odd. Yes, they're both not likable. Yes, the green slime bit didn't make sense. But any excuse to beat up and humiliate Strowman every week is good enough for me, hopscotch and all.
For realsies, I'm not even sarcastic. This is probably one of the best storylines in WWE right now because I feel like it was made solely to please me. Are you telling me you don't enjoy watching an entitled bully who claims he's the one getting bullied get his ass handed to him by someone who throws the worst punches in wrestling? Besides, at least their match won't take place at WrestleMania 37 (for now). So let me have my fun, okay? I need this. I have a long week ahead of me, and I need to unload some stress.
Speaking of unloading stress, I'm thrilled someone stopped Asuka from curb stomping Shayna Baszler, American History X-style. But hey, it was a great post-match segment that gave us the aggressive and dangerous Asuka we all missed. Isn't it refreshing when they're not treating the RAW Women's Champion as a running joke? This type of violence is reserved for high-level rivalries, so I expect these two women to feud anytime soon. Forget Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair—give Shayna a chance!
CLOSING RHETORICK: I didn't expect to enjoy this week's RAW episode, but I certainly did. Sure, it had some missteps, but the All Mighty Era and the number of quality beatdowns this week made the show ten times better compared to last week's episode of SmackDown. I didn't even realize this was the go-home show for Fastlane, and I think RAW did alright hyping it up. Let's see how SmackDown bounces back this week.
Show Grade: B
RhetoRickal Statements That I Want to Trade Away to Bad Bunny
- If you ever feel useless, just be thankful you're not a tag team championship title being carried around by the New Day because, man, they killed #HurtBusinessAllBelts for this. It was a great match and all, but I still don't get why Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin had to lose the titles just for Omos to make his in-ring debut. Unless he can do a Shooting Star Press or something to that level, why does he need a 'Mania rub?
- So this is how they're going to set up the Miz vs. Bad Bunny tag team match at WrestleMania? Bad Bunny just handing the 24/7 Championship to R-Truth? Kevin Dunn or whoever's directing the show missing the exact spot where Miz hit Bad Bunny with the guitar? Really? Bad Bunny deserves better, to be honest.
- Riddle vs. Mustafa Ali was also a fun watch, but this just exposes Ali as a terrible heel. Imagine having four people as backup, but you still can't beat one guy. This should've been the perfect time for Ali to disband Retribution and for the dejected members to gang up on their former leader. Maybe one day...
- While I'm happy for Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke picking up a random win, I'm still missing the Lana shenanigans. Also, how can you let Peyton Royce cut the promo of her life and not even give her airtime this week? SMH.
- This is what I've been missing for the past two weeks: shooting invisible arrows! Where have you been, Damian Priest? You're the highlight of my week, you know. *shoots invisible arrow*
- John Morrison just won the inaugural Best Hairstyle of the Week, and I don't think anyone will top his godly hairdo in the coming weeks. This is why JoMo will always be the Shaman of Sexy.
Header image taken from WWE.com
*****
Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's resident main roster reviewer... for better or worse. A known lover of tournaments, he's a sucker for well-executed promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. LET HIM IN.
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