Edge has now won the Royal Rumble Match from the beginning and the end of the match. At this point, Edge is a statistician's wet dream. I'm Ricky Publico, and this is the RAW RhetoRick.
It's the Royal Rumble aftermath episode, and surprisingly, it didn't shit itself as RAW episodes usually do! And with Adam Pearce reportedly in charge at the Rumble, he was probably the one in charge of putting together this week's show. Stop giving me more reasons to love Adam Pearce, people! So what did Scrap Daddy do to make RAW better? Well, he had Edge main event the show. And more importantly, he prevented the show from going bonkers with booking matches and segments.
But clearly, this episode was all for the Rated-R Superstar. Edge winning this year's Rumble? I'm okay with it. After all, it could've been worse. While I still would've preferred seeing Daniel Bryan win it, I can't help but applaud Edge powering through from the #1 spot to become one of three people in history to do so (I forgot who the third one was, but I'm pretty sure one of them was Shawn Michaels). So yeah, focusing on the Royal Rumble Match winner makes all the sense in the world. Good one, Pearce.
Yes, even if it was against his perennial rival, Randy Orton. It's a match we've seen a million times, but I didn't mind because a) I'm just glad Edge is back and b) at least Edge won, adding to his already overflowing momentum. Also, can everyone just stop mentioning his age already? You really want to see Dominik Mysterio win the Rumble now? At least we know Edge can last for more than five minutes in the ring. Hell, the one I wanted to win is nearing his 40s. Don't do Edge dirty like that.
And yes, the Alexa Fiend shenanigans weren't even that bonkers to offend me; aside from reminding me of this funny Aunty Donna sketch, Alexa drooling buckets of black liquid was short, sweet, and effective. No fireballs, no bacon faces, just good ol' subtle mind games sufficed. I'm still not on board on whatever this storyline is, but keep building it up to a proper Randy Orton vs. Alexa Bliss match at WrestleMania, and I will still give it my full, undivided attention. Hey, a man can dream.
Speaking of Alexa Fiend, as much as I'm confused with her involvement in this Fiend/Orton thing, I would be lying if I said I'm not enjoying her performances as of late. Her mid-match transformations are amazing, and Rhea Ripley eliminating her while she was gearing up to Fiend Mode was one of the best parts of the women's Rumble match. They better keep this up while they're still performing in an empty arena because I'm pretty sure they can't pull this trick off at live events, thus, the Rumble spot.
Bad Bunny is my new favorite person. I usually don't enjoy musical performances in my wrestling, but I really dug his "Booker T" performance that I instantly added the song to my Spotify favorites. And he also did a great job in the Rumble match! My heart skipped when he launched himself from the top turnbuckle and slipped a little bit, but I'm glad he nailed the spot to a tee. He even sold his supposed damage like a pro! Either that, or he really did hurt his ribs. Either way, I stan a true celebrity wrestling fan!
And as if stealing the show wasn't enough, he even appeared this week to properly introduce Damian Priest into the main roster. He made a seemingly random MizTV segment a colorful one. They often miss when it comes to their humor, but The Miz and John Morrison paying homage to Booker T's music video got me chuckling. Why am I so in love with this song all of a sudden? Also, Priest was impressive in his debut. More fake arrow shooting, please. *shoots an invisible arrow*
Someone cash Bobbly Lashley out in a bank because he once again looked a billion bucks this week by dominating the smarts out of Riddle. Sure, it was yet another DQ match, but it's a DQ I can excuse if it means Lashley can cannibalize his opponent after. Bro, Riddle didn't know where he was after the beatdown he received. I can't remember the last time someone got punked that hard in WWE. It makes you wonder what they're planning for Lashley in the near future. A WWE Championship run, maybe?
The tag team unit of The Hurt Business also wasn't bad this week. While they were still teasing a potential breakup, they dialed it down to deliver a fun tag team title match featuring the criminally underrated Lucha House Party. I do wish Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin would stop bickering and just continue dominating the tag division. I'm still waiting for Bobby Lashley to relinquish his US Title to MVP and have him beat McIntyre to fulfill my all-champs Hurt Business fantasy.
But of course, it won't be a RAW episode without something lame happening. Remember Sheamus? You know, the guy who's been booked as a credible babyface to a fault in the past few weeks? Well, he just ended his friendship with his supposed best friend, Drew McIntyre, just because. Lame. Did Creative forget that they've exerted a lot of effort to make Sheamus' character more endearing? He gave McIntyre his trademark sword! He defied rumormonger Keith Lee just to show his loyalty!
The logical endgame was to have the best friends fight each other in a more friendly rivalry then they can further deepen the tension if they want Sheamus to turn heel again. But for some reason, they forgot the first part of the plan and went straight to the F.O. route without a proper buildup. So Sheamus looked like a petty friend, and McIntyre couldn't cut a dramatic promo to justify the story's abrupt twist. Way to ruin one of your most organic storylines. Not your best work, Pearce.
CLOSING RHETHORICK: Surprisingly, this week's episode of RAW wasn't that bad. Of course, it's still a dread to watch, but at least its awfulness wasn't as offensive. In fact, it had a lot of great moments, and I only had to dig a little on the pile of mud (and a bunch of replays) to find the gems worth keeping. It seems that RAW restrained themselves from all of their worst tendencies, and look at that, it worked! It's so refreshing not to feel dread after watching three hours of RAW. Thanks, Adam Pearce!
Show Grade: C
RhetoRickal Statements That Didn't Make The Cut
- Lana's back! And I'm glad she's still winning matches with the smallest of efforts. But damn, Asuka really ate a pin after a Rear View? That's a new low for the RAW Women's Champion.
- Can someone make a unified set of rules for a triple threat tag match? Every time they book one, it comes with a completely different set of rules. Maybe pick some standard guidelines? Thanks.
- I love that Carlito immediately gets booked in a filler tag match with Elias and company. Welcome back, Caribbean Cool! They kept your spot in the lower midcard warm for you. To be fair, this tag match wasn't that bad, either. As inefficient as it may be, seeing the Backstabber in action is always a delight.
- Can someone tell Edge that the title he never lost has now been scrubbed from today's canon? He'd be so disappointed. Who will he challenge now?
Header Image from WWE.com
*****
Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's resident main roster reviewer... for better or worse. A known lover of tournaments, he's a sucker for well-executed promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. LET HIM IN.
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