I love how I'm left with so many questions after every RAW main event, but I can't seem to motivate myself to find the answers. I'm Ricky Publico, and this is *sigh* the RAW RhetoRick.
Since I love myself and I want to finish writing this as soon as possible, let me just start things off with the single best thing about this week's episode: Edge has declared himself for the Royal Rumble Match! Now we're talking! This year's Rumble may not have the same buzz around it, but the addition of the Rated-R Superstar may spark some interest even for a little bit. I'm still not sure what to expect from a Rumble Match in the era of COVID-19, but at least I know it won't lack in star power and big surprises.
And I love how some fans are complaining about WWE not reserving Edge as a surprise entrant on Monday (Manila Time). You really want to water down his awesome return last year by recreating it again in an empty arena? Didn't Kevin Dunn already do that last year when he kept cutting to random shots instead of keeping it tight on the guy everyone wanted to see in the first place? Stop being fickle people and just enjoy the fact that Edge is healthy enough to step inside the ring again. On this day!
With that out of the way, let the dunking contest begin! And of course, the main event is also the main source of the dumbfuckery. Instead of trying to encapsulate how I felt after watching whatever the fuck that was, let me flood you with all the unanswered questions I have and see if you can answer them.
- First and foremost, why is The Fiend trying to possess a woman's body in the first place? Where the hell is The Fiend exactly?
- Why is Alexa Fiend targeting the RAW Women's Championship? Why does she need a title in the first place?
- Alexa Bliss transformed back to her Goddess attire at one point. Does this mean she's being held against her will?
- But then she was able to dodge Asuka's attack while she was in her Goddess attire. Does that mean it was just an illusion? Why would she play mind games with Asuka when she already has super strength?
- And that's another thing: how the hell is she that strong? Are you telling me she's stronger than freaking Asuka? Even The Fiend wasn't that strong. A semi-retired guy in his 50s beat him for the Universal title, remember? So does that mean he's stronger when he's in a female vessel?
- What happened to Randy Orton's mask? I thought he didn't want all of us to see the effect of The Fiend's wrath?
- What happened to Alexa Fiend's strength when she got hit by an RKO? Does this mean she's weaker than a man? What a great message to show there.
- So is Randy Orton feuding with Alexa Bliss now?
Although to be fair, that last part is what interests me. We just saw last week on SmackDown how a proper intergender match would look like inside a WWE ring. Isn't it more exciting to see a proper male Superstar vs. female Superstar duke it out, even if they have a shitty storyline to justify it? Honestly, that's the only way this 2edgy3me angle can recover from being put on life support. So unless we're seeing Randy Orton vs. Alexa Fiend at Royal Rumble, stop putting it in every RAW main event.
Is it just me or did this week's episode had too many restarts, count-outs, and other bullshit reasons to stretch a match? What, it's not just me and that's exactly what they're doing? I'm glad I'm not the only one seeing this. If they're struggling to fill a three-hour show, why not revert it back to a two-hour show and make your lives easier? I don't even want to talk about the three back-to-back women's matches because it's just too dumb for my own good. If they restarted that match for the fourth time, I would've lost it.
The worst victim was Sheamus as he was forced to compete in two matches in one night that only made him look dumb. I thought I was already seeing a great match between him and John Morrison. But no, I guess RAW really hates being good even for a few minutes. The Miz challenged him to a handicap match and because babyfaces are programmed to make the stupidest of decisions, he accepted. I hate how he's being painted as a brave fighter like it's a badge of honor to be dumb.
CLOSING RHETORICK: Every episode of RAW feels like watching a bunch of over-stressed people struggling to fill a three-hour wrestling show with the roster and mindset of a two-hour show. And now that WWE has partnered with NBC's Peacock streaming service, expect the quality of RAW to remain as is. Expect more count-outs, restarts, gauntlets, and sloppy storytelling. Reviewing the show every week is starting to feel like a fruitless endeavor.
Show Grade: D
RhetoRickal Statements That Have Multiple Personalities
- All jokes aside, I'm glad to see Drew McIntyre healthy as a rock and supposedly COVID-free. Now if only he can retain at the Royal Rumble event and handle the other virus in WWE: Goldbergwinningallthegoldnitis. Very deadly.
- I'm loving this random 2K-esque entrances some Superstars are receiving lately. Please tell me this is how they're hyping up the next WWE 2K game. It looks great!
- Can we all agree that the gauntlet match was basically Riddle vs. Cedric Alexander with extra steps? I appreciate how they tried to tell a story with this one. It's just that I'm not interested in seeing The Hurt Business implode after only a few months of domination. If that's the story they're going for, count me out.
- Imagine hating an episode of RAW and it's not because of RETRIBUTION. In fact, Mustafa Ali's storyline with Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods is one of the few that actually makes sense. So good on you, Bane Club!
- Charlotte Flair may not be the bad guy, but I still don't get why Ric Flair has to be part of all of this. Can't we just have Charlotte Flair vs. Lacey Evans without reviving the Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie angle with better wrestlers?
Header image from WWE.com
*****
Ricky Publico (@nyamnyamgarbage) is Smark Henry's resident main roster reviewer... for better or worse. A known lover of tournaments, he's a sucker for well-executed promos and fast-paced matches. While he enjoys nitpicking shows, he now prefers enjoying wrestling for what it is instead of stressing himself over things he can't control. He's anxious about the future, now more than ever. LET HIM IN.
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