Booking WWE officials in the main event, so hot right now. I'm Ricky Publico, and this is the RAW RhetoRick.
I'm actually still high from the last Friday's SmackDown episode that I didn't realize it's time to review RAW again. Dammit, I hate how close they are from each other. But fine, I signed up for this and I have nothing else going on, might as well consume some garbage to pass the time. Believe it or not, this week's episode of RAW was quite newsworthy—all for the wrong reasons, of course, but newsworthy nonetheless. How does Drew McIntyre contracting COVID-19 sound to you?
It's not exactly the show's fault, but the WWE Champion getting hit with the 'Rona is a huge iceberg for an already sinking ship. It sucks that someone as deserving of the spotlight as Drew McIntyre had to be sidelined for at least two weeks because of the goddamn coronavirus. It's a reminder that everyone involved in producing a weekly wrestling show is risking their lives for everyone's entertainment. Imagine adding the pandemic to the stress of possibly injuring vital parts of your body.
And how good was McIntyre's PSA? I didn't even realize WWE can do that. Doing PSAs is literally the least they can do if they still insist on producing shows in the middle of a pandemic. They have all the resources so why stop there? Let's take all the likable Superstars and have them encourage everyone to wear masks and practice social distancing. This is legit a no-brainer and a great opportunity to make something relevant out of an unfortunate situation. Do something good for once, Vince!
So how did Creative handle Drew McIntyre's absence? By forcing select wrestlers to do double duty and booking a WWE official in the main event (and having the balls to pull a bait-and-switch in the process). Triple H probably saw how well-received Adam Pearce was last week so he thought he'd do better since he's a higher official and he's goddamn Triple H. Never mind the fact that we've seen him wrestle Randy Orton a million times and we don't even know why he was there in the first place.
Man, that opening segment. Aside from the fact that it didn't make any sense, it was also a rehash of a rehash. Orton was basically doing his thing last week, only this time, it was Triple H. And in turn, Triple H got offended over a comment that literally every other rival has used against him. What's wrong with retrieving your balls from your wife's purse? That's toxic masculinity for ya. It's the complete opposite of what SmackDown last week that it just pissed me off more than anything. God, I hate RAW.
They were so sure of this main event that they had to rewind the first segment twice to convince everyone. And as you can expect, the result was hot garbage, literally. If you've seen a Triple H vs. Orton match, you've seen this week's main event. Just add a flaming sledgehammer and a fireball-carrying Alexa Bliss and you're all good. While the former looked genuinely cool, the latter looked phony af. They've literally burned a person in the middle of the ring. A fireball's nothing.
I'm not even gonna ask where the referee was because at this point, who even cares? It's also annoying how the hokiest storyline of the show always gets to close the show when they can literally choose any other segment. As terrible as last week's closing image, that show still ended with a phenomenal WWE Championship match. No one cares about Randy Orton and The Fiend anymore. If this is the best they can do, at least don't let them hog the main event for themselves.
How about giving Keith Lee and Sheamus the reins and just have them demolish tag teams every week? Out of all the double duty matches, their matches were the only ones that made total sense. After beating Miz and Morrison, the two frenemies suddenly got hostile and before you know it, they're already fighting. And their subsequent match was way better than the first one so that's always nice. Sheamus is always great when he's making friends with people he just went to town with.
Compare that to the other restarted matches and nothing even came close. Okay. maybe Bobbly Lashley vs. Riddle came close but then they had to ruin it with a rushed Riddle vs. MVP match. What a way to ruin Lashley's dominating win. Then there's Jeff Hardy facing both Jaxson Ryker and Elias in one night. What exactly did that accomplish? Don't ask me, I asked the question first. How did this happen when they could've booked more matches? What, are the others quarantined just like Drew?
CLOSING RHETORICK: It's a typical episode of RAW, what else do you want me to say? The best way to consume RAW these days is to watch the highlights on YouTube and forget about the rest. Aside from Keith Lee and Sheamus bro-mancing it up, this week's episode dragged from start to finish. At this point, they needed to end it with some cheesy bullshit to make it memorable, to say the least. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few Dynamite episodes to catch up on.
Show Grade: D-
RhetoRickal Statements That Pulled Double Duty
- It's so nice of them to find airtime for Drew Gulak and AJ Styles. and hey, they snuck in Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax in there somewhere. It was clear that they needed time to fill, so instead of having others do double duty, why not give unused talent more time to lace up their boots? Lucha House Party was literally just there talking to Riddle. Eh, you know what, why do I even bother. 🤷♂️
- Yo, T-Bar vs. Xavier Woods was actually lit. It may have been a nothing match, but I still enjoyed the chemistry between these two. It's been a while since we've seen Dijakovic's unique finisher so that always gets plus points from me. More Retribution victories, please.
- How dare Riddle invoke the name of Brochachos. Did John Morrison include you in his exclusive club? That's gimmick infringement!
: Double Duty with a Side of Cheese){kind=link}