Welcome to another edition of #FinisherFriday! This is Wreddit_Regal making a review of r/SquaredCircle's inaugural "Fuckinator of the Week."
Botchamania's very own Maffew coined the term "fuckinator" after watching the events of NXT Takeover: Portland unfold. His tweet reads:
Wreddit users found fascination and humor with this new piece of nomenclature, and proceeded to find wrestling moves that were worthy of being called a fuckinator. The results ranged from:maybe i'm old but the best bit of NXT Takeovers are the first hour and a bit before I'm desensitised to the 99 Kickouts formula that (nearly) every match sticks to— Maffew (going to wXw 16 Carat) (@Maffewgregg) February 17, 2020
matches are technically good but by hour 3 of OH MY GAW HE KICKED OUT OF THE TOP ROPE FUCKINATOR I'm numb
Viscera's splash (thread link here)...
...Roman Reigns' infamous tag team spear assist (thread link here)...
...to the obvious winner, Scott Steiner's gem of a finisher (thread link here):
Big Poppa Pump, beyond all the memes, was a beast in his prime. One-half of the famous Steiner brothers, this guy was as athletic as he was swole. Just look at how this genetic freak flips like his body mass was that of a cruiserweight:
Yes, that is Scott Steiner performing an imperfect version of a 450 splash in a 1987 match.
Back to the fuckinator of the week—the Steiner Screwdriver is definitely on par with Chuck Taylor's Awful Waffle in terms of sheer destructiveness. These guys just barely close their legs to give the opponent some degree of safety when performing the move:
They just straight up fuckinate their opponents for the pinfall victory.
Brian Cage has also done the Steiner Screwdriver, and it's done with the same killing intent as the original:
Using my trusty Regal Rating, I'd give the Steiner Screwdriver a:
10/10 for aesthetics. People may not like how long Steiner props the opponent vertically before delivering the piledriver, but that in itself is a public demonstration of the beauty of his physique and raw strength. Furthermore, it slowly builds tension, leading to the moment where audience members go, "Yeah, the guy is sure fucked by that."
10/10 for damage. This piledriver version is as dangerous as it gets. The opponent's body is totally vertical, which means that the head and neck will receive all of the damage upon impact. This may lead to fatal concussions and compression cervical fractures, if not again for the wrestling ring's inherent bounce.
And that's it chaps, my review of the Steiner Screwdriver! What finisher do you think would gain the title of fuckinator for next week? Let us know in the comment section below!
*****
Wreddit_Regal is the resident sports kinesiologist of Reddit's wrestling forum, r/squaredcircle. From the most basic of punches to the most intricate double-team maneuvers, he can explain them within the realm of human anatomy and physics, because when doing absolutely nothing wrestling-related, he also happens to work as an operating room nurse.
