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    Thursday, June 6, 2019

    The Smark Henry RAW Review (6/3/19): Erase Your Mind

    We were promised a Brock Lesnar Money in the Bank briefcase cash-in this week but I doubt anyone actually bought into that. Last week, Brock was all smiles when he realized he had an entire year before the contract would expire, so I'm not entirely sure why anyone would think he'd cash-in this week. Weird. That doesn't really matter, though, because the actual highlight of this week's RAW—and actually most RAWs since its first appearance—is Bray Wyatt's Firefly Fun House segment. Break it down!

    This week's RAW was definitely saved by Bray Wyatt's Firefly Fun House segment. Dare I say this segment was the best iteration of the Firefly Fun House schtick so far. The reference to his old Husky Harris persona when he was part of The Nexus, Devil Vince McMahon and his obsession with muscles, and the green screen music video of the Muscle Man Dance all combined to give us a spectacle that was both entertaining and mildly terrifying. 

    The puppets here seem to represent Wyatt's damaged psyche and their inclusion only make everything so much more sinister. Puppet Vince made me laugh because, well, it was a good puppet Vince. The green screen music video of the Muscle Man Dance was fantastic and well done, especially the part where he creepily goes "erase your mind" before immediately turning back to his goofy persona. I guess Vince can't mess your character up if you're just doing pre-recorded vignettes all the time.

    Consistent Wild Card Shane McMahon interrupted fellow consistent Wild Card Roman Reigns during the show's opening segment because Wild Card rule. The actual six-man tag match that happened afterward was pretty good. The Usos joined their real-life cousin against Shane's heavy, Drew McIntyre, and The Usos' current rivals, The Revival. I thought Drew and The Revival winning was pretty interesting, considering they were fighting against the aptly-named team, "The Bloodline." Shane hitting Roman with a Spear after the match made me smirk, even though I'm really not into this feud. I do like Shane's "Best in the World" heel character but I feel like this whole thing has been overexposed, spanning both shows every freaking week.

    It also doesn't help that they're already setting up Reigns versus McIntyre after Super ShowDown. I'm guessing Shane's winning that match to further his heel character and point Roman towards Drew's direction? I'm also not excited about that feud because we've already seen this match and it was nothing special. No offense, Drew, you're one of my favorite wrestlers and my current Twitter header, but I can't even remember what actually happened in that match. All I can remember was that Roman won in a decisively clean fashion. Also, aren't Roman and Drew from different brands? Okay then. 

    Corey Graves made an interesting point on Twitter, primarily because it's a very logical point about this whole WWE announcing Brock Lesnar's cash-in this week just because Stephanie McMahon made that video about getting mad at Brock not telling people when he's going to cash-in. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't not telling people when you're going to cash-in the whole point of the Money in the Bank briefcase? That's what Corey Graves thought, too, so this entire Brock Lesnar cash-in announcement kerfuffle basically does not make any sense. At least Lesnar's showing up for work now, which is an improvement, I guess?

    A furious Seth Rollins later tried to challenge Lesnar then and there but everyone's most hated person, Baron Corbin, came out instead of Brock. Corbin managed to take out Seth when Brock's music distracted the champion. Then Brock came out, destroyed Rollins, and for some reason didn't cash-in right then and there. He's apparently cashing in during the Universal Championship Match at Super ShowDown between Rollins and Corbin because I guess he's paid millions to do just that. 

    Logically, he should've just cashed in right then and there because he could still make an appearance at Super ShowDown by fucking up everyone else on that show but whatever. I mean, wasn't his gimmick being too lazy to work more than one show every three to five months? Now he's cool with actually appearing on WWE TV despite the easy pay? Even Paul Heyman seemed confused by Brock's logic here.

    This was more annoying than anything. At least Becky Lynch appeared during that stretcher angle with Seth.

    RAW REVIEW: Surprisingly, I found the third hour of RAW pretty good this time around. That was certainly an interesting change of pace that at least didn't make me want to skip forward so I can get this whole thing over with and watch another episode of whatever Park Shin-hye show I'm watching at the moment. 

    Unfortunately, the rest of the this week's RAW was... confusing. The whole Lesnar storyline made little to no sense, and frankly, it was just frustrating and boring at the same time. They've lied to the fans about the whole cash-in thing for successive weeks now, that even though people probably never actually bought the idea that he'd cash-in this early, it still felt a bit too dumb and a little offensive to our collective intelligence. That or I've been reading too much about Brock since that Jon Moxley interview. In any case, I'm giving this week's RAW a D for "Deliver me from this painful existence, Bray."  

    Quick Hitters:

    • Lars Sullivan versus The Lucha House Party is weird. They know he's being tagged as a racist for his past online activity, right? Isn't this a bit too soon?
    • RAW Women's Champion Becky Lynch promised us she'd knock Lacey Evans out the next time she saw her face but then... didn't. Evans came out to interrupt her, was right in her face, but received no aforementioned knocking-out. That was just... odd. Odder still was the heel versus heel match that happened immediately after between Evans and SmackDown's Charlotte. That punch was clearly botched and the in-ring action wasn't any better, so thank you, Becky, for ending this farce by attacking people to force the disqualification ruling. Thankfully, we won't be seeing Evans botching her Woman's Right in WWE Super ShowD— Oh, no, wait, that's not a good quip.
    • Rey Mysterio relinquished the United States Championship to Samoa Joe because of his injury, ignoring the whole "Joe's shoulders weren't even down on the mat when he pinned him at Money in the Bank" thing. I don't know about you but Joe was justified in attacking Rey for that BS.
    • Braun Strowman and Bobby Lashley hyped their WWE Super ShowDown match by having an arm-wrestling contest. Yep. That happened.
    • OMG IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!! Bliss/Cross versus The IIconics for the WWE Women's Tag Team Championship at WWE Super ShowD— Okay, that's still a terrible quip. I thought Alexa and Nikki's odd bedfellows gimmick was brilliant, though, and I still do. The whole coffee thing was hilarious, and Nikki getting the win over Peyton was an inspired choice, considering Nikki's better resumé when it comes to singles action compared to Peyton's. Hopefully, the IIconics win a tag team match soon because they're being booked like terrible tag team champions.
    • Triple H and Randy Orton hyped their WWE Super ShowDown match by talking about NXT Daddy's testicles. Classic.
    • Ricochet winning his rubber match over Cesaro was an inspired choice, especially since Ricochet needed this win to continue to build himself while Cesaro isn't losing any momentum because of that post-match attack. He's a heel, after all, so that actually works for him. 
    • WWE 24/7 Champion R-Truth appearing under the ring, lying on top of a table that Cesaro took out from under the ring, supposedly to put Ricochet through it, was hilarious. More 24/7 shenanigans occurred because of course, they would. Carmella superkicking Drake Maverick was something I thought I'd never want to see. I'm glad I was wrong with that one.
    • The Undertaker hyped his WWE Super ShowDown match against Goldberg by cutting a typical Undertaker promo. This match could've been awesome so many years ago but these two are no longer in their prime, with their last match appearances being short of inspirational. 
    • Who attacked Sami Zayn at Money in the Bank? My bet is on Nicholas avenging his former tag team partner Braun Strowman's honor. Or some weird shit like that. Vince likes weird shit like that.
    Images from WWE


    Jofer Serapio (@ShawarmaJoereviews WWE RAW for Smark Henry. He has been an avid professional wrestling fan since grade school. These reviews are as close to professional wrestling as he can get. Does Brock even know what a Money in the Bank briefcase is?
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    Item Reviewed: The Smark Henry RAW Review (6/3/19): Erase Your Mind Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Pepe Serapio
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