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    Sunday, September 16, 2018

    Tales from the Impact Zone (9/13/18): Aries Takes Care of Bahh-emoth

    JP here. I'm back!

    A little interlude, if you don't mind. The reason I missed more than two months' worth of reviewing Impact Wrestling is that (without divulging much detail) I "lost my smile." No worries, as I'm now in a better situation.

    Now onto our review of the last Impact Wrestling episode, where the spotlight was heavily (no slur intended, really) placed on a sumo wrestler billed from the Philippine Islands: Fallah Bahh. He is a guy, one has to admit, who is unlikely to be booked in the main event. I mean, his current gimmick is his bro-ship with KM, a partnership that I didn't expect to last this long.

    To recap, this all started earlier this year as a body shaming angle between the two unlikely couple. Whether it was out of sympathy or amazement, KM embarked on a mission to Queer Eye Bahh. Months later, it's now KM who matched his attire with his buddy, so I'm not sure how if that counts as a success.

    Returning to this episode, KM was relegated to cheerleader, as he is wont to do since Bahh has a vocabulary that is comparable to Hodor and Pikachu. Groot has a larger word count than the Filipino sumo wrestler.

    Then there's that. Sumo isn't really a thing in the Philippines unless there is a dojo here that I am not aware of. Also, those H's in his name; a very Filipino trait.

    But should I be complaining about it? Wrestlers with Filipino lineage who are based in the US have gimmicks such as an entitled gamer, an obnoxious DJ, and a masked monster who's the kayfabe son of the owner of an Aztec-based wrestling promotion. Maybe I am just - here's the n-word - nitpicking.

    Sorry, I went off-base again. I just had to let that out before I resume.

    As I said, the episode worked around (Get it? Round. Heh) Bahh. He was featured in the opening promo where Austin Aries put his Impact Wrestling World Championship on the line, as well as in five different backstage segments that had Eli Drake, Scarlett Bordeaux, Rich Swann, and the rest of the Impact roster encouraging him.

    As for the title match itself, it was given gravitas with Josh Matthews enumerating the biggest upsets in sports history during Bahh's entrance. For a throwaway fight for the belt that we can easily predict who will come out on top, Impact made it look like it was a big deal.

    The bout was competitive, actually. Bahh made life difficult for Aries before a powerbomb from the turnbuckle was transitioned to a Last Chancery submission that led to A-Double retaining. Props.

    Major Impact Moments

    Aries was on his A-game, delivering sick burns on everyone the entire evening. And as per the MO of his Killer-Moose crew, the desolation won't be complete without assaulting Bahh and KM, giving the latter a chair shot to a chair placed on his neck.

    Yes, Aries, to respond to your musings in your backstage interview, there wouldn't be a Bound for Glory if you and your posse keep on placing guys on the injured list.

    Making an Impact Everywhere Else

    Pentagón Jr has been omnipresent, from All In and Lucha Underground to Impact Wrestling. Granted, two of those are pre-taped shows and the other is a one-off event, but his appearance rate is unheard of in the world of televised major promotions.

    Unless one is slated to appear on WWE Main Event, where they can possibly be double booked for that week. But is Main Event even considered canon when its only purpose is to inflate Curt Hawkins' losing streak?

    Meanwhile, Johnny Impact bemoaned to Josh Matthews in a recorded interview that his body parts are no longer injured, but they are damaged. Well, if you just got decimated by Matanza Cueto during your wedding and you got beat up by the reigning Impact World Champion and his cohorts in the same week AND you are set to appear on Survivor, no wonder you are in pain with not just the actual hurt done to you, but with all that teleportation-like travel as well. Beam you up, yeah?

    Finally, Brian Cage has been spreading himself thin, as he has ongoing separate feuds against oVe and the Bullet Club, as per commentary. With that, time to mention Chris Jericho's Rock 'n' Wrestling cruise where he would likely cap the feud against the NJPW/ROH-based faction. Hey!

    Other Impactful Moments

    Speaking of well-timed transitions, I like how they coherently tied in different storylines in their segments:

    • In the opening promo, Aries said his piece on Johnny Impact and Moose had his time on the mic to address his feud against Eddie Edwards before Fallah Bahh and KM joined them on the couch.
    • After the Lucha Bros won against the Cult of Lee, oVe appeared on the big screen to prep their six-man match against Pentagón Jr, Fénix, and Cage at Bound for Glory.
    • Cage shared his two cents in his Bound for Glory match after his win over Kongo Kong.
    • Proceeding the disposal of LAX of The Fraternity, the OGz then went on to test the restraint of Konnan and his crew, taunting them to break the ceasefire.
    • That Paul Burchill reference in Joe Hendry's music video for Katarina was a nasty callback. But did we really need her in a match against Alisha Edwards just to show that?

    Not-so-Deep Impact Moments

    • What is with Jake Crist mirroring Sami Callahan's actions during oVe's promo that was shown on the big screen?
    • Paint-by-numbers interviews with Allie and Kiera Hogan as well as Tessa Blanchard.

    For my grade, I have to say: with better output comes higher standards. Now that Impact has been releasing a more consistently pleasurable product to watch, an episode needs to be attention-grabbing enough and be hashtag trending-worthy to merit an impeccable score. But I'll give them ample leeway as the only time the show will get a failing or near-failing grade is when it's a clusterfuck episode. With that, I give this week a B.

    What to expect next week:
    • Impact Wrestling will be in Mexico City for the first time in promotion history
    • A new inductee to the Impact Wrestling Hall of Fame will be presented
    • Rich Swann vs Matt Sydal
    • Tessa Blanchard
    Images and video courtesy of Impact Wrestling


    JP Abcede, CIS, has an ongoing love-hate relationship with the WWE, depending on what Bret Hart's mood for the day is. A financial adviser and Certified Investment Solicitor (that is what the CIS stands for after his name) by profession, he catches up on his weekly dose of pro wrestling by streaming shows and using them as background noise while he is doing something else. This way, he is able to zone out the boring parts while remaining productive.
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    Item Reviewed: Tales from the Impact Zone (9/13/18): Aries Takes Care of Bahh-emoth Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Unknown
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