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    Saturday, September 15, 2018

    That Terrible Poster Though: Hell in a Cell 2018 Predictions (Please)

    September rears its ugly head once again, but it’s not the joy of the early Christmas season we’re feeling; it’s the scorching heat of fiery hell! Hell in a Cell is just mere days away, so what better way to hype things up than by sending two of our weekly reviewers to the underworld as they once again clash ideals, beliefs, and PPV predictions.

    Visiting hell for the first time is our RAW reviewer Jofer Serapio, and welcoming him to hell’s kitchen as he chows down on devil eggs is our SmackDown Live nitpicker Ricky Publico. Who will prevail and who will forcibly turn heel out of nowhere? Let the predictions and hell references commence!

    Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE Universal Championship (with special guest referee Mick Foley): Braun Strowman (b) vs. Roman Reigns (c)

    Jofer’s Pick: Roman Reigns. This was a very difficult prediction to make, as I don’t really want either men to come out of Hell in a Cell as the Universal Champion, but this is Roman’s first title defense after beating Brock Lesnar for the title and I believe Braun’s first title challenge is simply going to be Roman’s first successful title defense. Then they’ll keep feuding over it for the next 10 years. Hopefully, someone does get thrown off the top of the cell. That’s what Foley is here for, right?

    Ricky’s Pick: Braun Strowman, just to justify his recent heel turn. I mean really, what’s the freaking point of bastardizing the one organically over guy they have if they’re not going to legitimize his heel turn? It works for Vince McMahon, too, since he has such a hard-on for Reigns to become the hero of WWE or something. Let The Big Dog chase the Big Bone from the Big Giant because that’s what goody two-shoes babyfaces do. Also, why is Mick Foley here again?

    WWE Championship Match: Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles (c)

    Ricky’s Pick: AJ Styles. It sucks that the top prize of the entire company is stuck in a subpar storyline. Every bit of it doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t get why Samoa Joe had to be all psychological all of a sudden. I don’t get why he wants to be part of Styles’ family so bad. And I don’t get why this top storyline isn’t worthy of a Hell in a Cell Match. Seriously. It will probably be a DQ win anyway so I’m sticking with Styles. Keeping it warm for Daniel Bryan, I assume.

    Jofer’s Pick: Samoa Joe. Yes, I’m going to be so bold as to predict Joe takes the title from Styles this Sunday (Manila Time) at Hell in a Cell. Joe deserves to be WWE Champion and he’s been on a roll as a terrifying heel. The whole family mind games thing could set up AJ’s downfall; but a face hunting for the title isn’t a bad thing, especially if it’s Styles going all rabid on Champion Joe.

    SmackDown Women’s Championship Match: Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair (c)

    Ricky’s Pick: Becky Lynch. Give me Becky any day of the week. Forced heel turn aside, this is the best storyline the main roster has and it’s going to suck if we’re not going to get a badass SmackDown Women’s Champion to show for it. They don’t even have to do a double turn at this point. We don’t need to revert Becky back to a Balboa; the version we have right now is a better upgrade if you ask me. So yeah, put the title around her waist and let’s see her career skyrocket.

    Jofer’s Pick: Charlotte Flair. Oh, my god, I wanted to pick Becky here but my mind won’t stop nagging me to go with Charlotte. As with Reigns, this will be Flair’s first PPV title defense and she’s too “Flair” to be dethroned straight(fire) away. Maybe Lynch will take that title at Evolution, though. Maybe.

    RAW Women’s Championship Match: Alexa Bliss vs. Ronda Rousey (c)

    Jofer’s Pick: Ronda Rousey. Rousey is set to main event Evolution against Nikki Bella (dear god, what did we do to deserve this hell), while Bliss is booked to fight her earlier reincarnation in Trish Stratus. Between Trish and Nikki, the latter’s a more intriguing call to be put in a title match, so I’m thinking Rousey is retaining against Alexa, Mickie James, Alicia Fox, and maybe also those steel ring steps. The Bella Twins are going to be in Ronda’s corner, aren’t they? Ugh.

    Ricky’s Pi—Ronda Rousey. Injured ribcage or not, are we seriously going to doubt the champion will lose to any shenanigans Alexa Bliss can pull off? Ronda Rousey will retain the title and she’ll carry it to the historic Evolution PPV to face *sigh* Nikki Bella. I can’t really blame them, though. Who else on the RAW women’s roster can step up to her?

    Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse

    Ricky’s Pick: Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella. It’s 50/50 booking, right? Miz won the first one. Bryan gets the second win, and whoever wins at Super Show-Down will ultimately win the feud. But I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have two women riddled with ring rust to perform on a grand stage like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still hyped to see this match, I just wish they can overcome the glaring weakness of this concept and still give us a great show. 

    Jofer’s Pick: The Miz & Maryse. They have a new show and Brie will probably botch a suicide dive that’ll distract Bryan and help Miz roll him for the 1-2-3. Or Miz will throw a baby at Brie and then punch Bryan with those gold knuckle things. I don’t know what they’re called because I’m a good role model for children. I just hope this time the baby Miz will throw is an actual baby.

    RAW Tag Team Championship Match: Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre (c)

    Jofer’s Pick: Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre. I know, I know. It’ll probably be tempting for WWE to have all members of the Shield to be champions at the same time but Seth’s already the Intercontinental Champion and I’m still praying against all logic that Ambrose finally turns on Seth at this show. ZigMc gets to face new challengers for their titles and Seth and Ambrose feud over the IC title. Two birds, one buffed stone that looks like it just got out of prison.

    Ricky’s Pick: Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre. I’m choosing Ziggler and McIntyre to retain the titles because I just want this whole Shield reunion thing to stop. Seriously, how long are they planning to lump Rollins and Dean Ambrose together just to make Roman Reigns look good? They've spent years carving their own legacies only to be sucked back into their dead-end job of carrying Reigns on their backs. Enough already. Let Rollins do his own thing. Hell, let new and improved Ambrose do his own thing. Please.

    SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match: Rusev & Aiden English vs. The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, and/or Xavier Woods) (c)

    Ricky’s Pick: Rusev Day, all the way, every day! Don’t listen to that Jofer guy. It’s definitely time for Rusev to win something to further legitimize his self-appointed holiday. They’ve been pushing this guy to no avail, giving him opportunities that lead to nowhere, and letting him run around aimlessly despite being over as hell. Let’s give Rusev Day a chance! And it’s not like this title shot was given to them willy-nilly. They won a freaking tag team tournament for it. So please, let this day be a glorious Rusev Day! 

    Jofer’s Pick: The New Day. Like I said, Rusev Day is ovah! I actually would want Rusev Day to become the tag champs because the story potential is there and they’re fun and also very marketable. Plus, you've also got the possibility of Lana and Rusev entering the Mixed Match Challenge hot off winning the tag titles. But WWE hates this couple for some reason, so I guess that’s not happening. Plus, SAnitY versus The New Day would be better than SAnitY versus Rusev Day. Mostly because Nikki Cross is still in NXT.

    Hell in a Cell Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

    Ricky’s Pick: Jeff Hardy, because we all know he’s going to do something crazy. We might as well give him the win. Riddle me this: why in the blue hell is this a Hell in a Cell match but neither the WWE Championship nor the SmackDown Women's Championship isn’t? And the winner gets nothing, even. Why not add Shinsuke Nakamura to the mix—you know, the guy you’ve given so much hype to, only to squander it with consecutive WWE Championship losses? The guy you've recently given a midcard title run, and yet isn't even featured on this PPV? You remember him, right? 

    Jofer’s Pick: Oh, right, this is an actual thing. Gross. Hmm, I guess my bet’s on Randy Orton then. He seems like he’ll be well at home inside that structure. Hardy might find it hard(y) to fly around with all those walls. I’m really not interested in this feud for some reason. That ear thing was gross.

    And that’s where we conclude another battle of dissenting predictions from our esteemed (or should we say, steamed) guests. Who do you think got things right? And did the Jofer guy just say once again that Rusev Day is ovah? Let us know your own predictions at the comments below.

    Photos from WWE.com


    Jofer Serapio (@ShawarmaJoe) reviews WWE RAW for Smark Henry. His favorite professional wrestling shows include NXT, Lucha Underground, WWE, NJPW, Ring of Honor, and (gasp) Impact Wrestling. He pops hard for Samoa Joe, Marty Scurll, Kevin Owens, Drew McIntyre, and Andrade "Cien" Almas.

    Ricky Publico (@NitPickRick) is a wrestling fan who enjoys watching high flyers and brawlers battle it out in the ring. A known Botchamania binge-watcher, he claims to have memorized the chronological order of Royal Rumble winners, but fails to remember who won in 2004. He writes stories about life and nonsense.

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    Item Reviewed: That Terrible Poster Though: Hell in a Cell 2018 Predictions (Please) Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Ricky Jay Publico
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