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    Wednesday, November 29, 2017

    The Smark Henry RAW Report (11/27/17): Absolution Is A Mystery

    I’ll say it straight up—this episode of RAW wasn’t a good one in particular, albeit an eventful one. Brand new and exciting storylines arose; and Paige continued to dominate the women’s locker room with the help of her new friends. But without Triple H, Brock Lesnar, The Miz, Dean Ambrose and Sheamus, I found it difficult to keep myself from falling asleep while watching. Good thing my real-life, human alarm clock of a boyfriend was kind enough to shout “hey!” every time I started to doze off. “Fuck, that’s right, I’m not allowed to fall asleep, I have an article to write!”

    Paige, Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville caused trouble again as they attacked Bayley and Mickie James before the supposed 6-woman tag match, leaving their partner, Sasha Banks, all alone in the ring. Paige and friends all cut the most boring promo ever—I honestly couldn’t care less about what the other two had to say, and they worsened it by dragging it out for way too long. I just wanted the camera to stay still on Paige the whole time because she just keeps getting prettier and prettier each week. Don’t you think? Anyway, the crowd clearly wasn’t into it, either, as they chanted “what” towards the end. But basically, they were rambling about how they now want to be called Evolution Absolution. Alright… At least it’s not “PMS”, right? Well, apart from the weird name, they proved themselves as a threat, especially when Alexa Bliss just decided to bail the minute they came out. She knew she didn’t want anything to do with them. They’re now officially the gang nobody in the locker room would wanna mess with.

    But here’s when things got really interesting. They came back out to attack (yes, finally) Asuka, but the latter intelligently backed away instead. IS PAIGE THE ONE WHO’S READY FOR ASUKA? I say yes. But only because I love her so much and I’m so biased like that. Or maybe, Paige could be the winner of the rumored first-ever women’s Royal Rumble match.

    Speaking of, both RAW and SmackDown’s new factions debuted at the same time which makes their ascent parallel to one another at the moment. While they both came out with different group names, they still seem to share many similarities—not only through their physical appearances, but also through their intentions of causing mayhem and destroying every woman in their respective locker rooms. I guess it wouldn’t be a surprise at this point if we find out that these two groups are actually directly aligned and have come up with a sneaky plan for the Royal Rumble.

    And so it begins. Come on, you guys—this has been the moment we’ve all been waiting for and this Tennessee crowd made it fall flat. Delete that crowd! Boo! Matt Hardy started to have a BREAKdown after his loss against Bray Wyatt—which, by the way, didn’t really do much for either—that could finally be the introduction to the #BROKEN gimmick here in the WWE. This could work really well—the way we’ve always wanted it to—if the next crowds can really get behind this storyline in the weeks to come. Please give him what he deserves!

    It’s not that The Miz didn’t make the Intercontinental Championship relevant, because he did. It’s just that Miz didn’t really have worthy opponents to lose it to, and almost all his title defenses lately haven’t really been threatening, especially with all the backup he’s had. But that's always been Creative’s fault. I must say, Roman Reigns as IC Champ is quite the head-turner, but Samoa Joe attacking him and inserting himself into the picture puts the title on the freaking map. It’s like putting the IC title on main event status, while Brock Lesnar is off with the Universal Championship somewhere in another galaxy. Although it sucks not to see the main Championship around and defended all the time, it somehow makes both of these titles look more important: main-carders would now chase after the IC Championship, while the rare ones who get to face Brock would then look like really special, strong and worthy snowflakes.

    Can I also mention how impressive Elias was in his match against Roman? It went way longer than I expected, kinda like how his song number with The Miztourage went way too long—I was really starting to wonder when the heck Roman was going to interrupt them to save my ears. The match itself was great—and it was one of—if not the best Elias best match since he got called up to the main roster so far. It made you believe, even for just one second, that he had a chance. It’s only a matter of time before he really does get that chance. And no, I’m not just saying this because he looks like Seth Rollins. Shh.

    Speaking of, Seth Rollins defeated Cesaro and was then interviewed in the ring by Charly Caruso immediately after. Seth made it clear that he and his absent partner Dean Ambrose—who was announced to be on his honeymoon, with the Renee Young name-drop from Seth. Cuties!—were going to go after the RAW Tag Team Championships in an attempt to bring home the gold the way their partner, Roman Reigns, did last week.

    Now, this isn’t too far from happening if the WWE wants to keep The Shield strong. I don’t mind seeing all three members as champion at the same time again, and I’m sure it would still be a mark-out moment for a lot of people, including me, because gold always looks really good on Seth. 😉

    Overall, this entire show felt so off. It felt empty without the big stars, and it really did seem like a significant downgrade compared to last week’s episode. I found it really difficult to care about the show even though it gave us a lot of reasons to... It was one of those times you really feel how dragging three hours is for an episode of RAW, especially with these noticeable absences. Aside from this, I’m glad we now have two new storylines to stay tuned to in the next few weeks as we are now ever so slowly on the road to the Royal Rumble. I grade this episode a C-.

    Quick Hitters:
    • WHY WAS KANE SO AFRAID OF BRAUN STROWMAN? Kane is a freakin’ monster. He can step back, but please don’t ever let him beg. It’s not a good look… 
    • Interesting little tournament to decide the #1 Contender for the Cruiserweight Championship. So I guess Kurt Angle really is the man in charge of the purple brand? He should show up on 205 Live sometime, then, how ‘bout that?! 
    • Bray Wyatt did this thing with words again… You know, where he delivered them exceptionally well, but ended up being a useless drag... So what if we celebrate holidays? Ugh, he’s better off finishing where he left off with Finn Bálor since he seems to be pretty idle, too. 

    Photos by WWE
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    Item Reviewed: The Smark Henry RAW Report (11/27/17): Absolution Is A Mystery Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Unknown
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