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    Saturday, May 27, 2017

    PWR Live: Resbak—We Want Weapons

    With PWR Live: Resbak looming, one of the main reasons that the PWR faithful are eagerly counting down the days is the All Out War match between the Deadly Sinns and the Fighters 4 Hire. What makes things even more interesting is that Mike Madrigal openly invited fans in attendance to bring weapons to be used for the match. Of course, this was a challenge readily accepted.

    Ihanda ang Langhap Sapak!

    Barring the obviously stupid choices of firearms and bladed weapons, we here at Smark Henry would like to offer up our own suggestions for possible options of maximum mayhem. We find that such a match would not be complete without the jolly good fun that armaments and weaponry would bring.


    A Very Particular Young Boy

    (Only in a pro wrestling context would it be borderline okay to suggest using a Young Boy as a weapon in a match. Had to get that out of the way.)

    We're not talking about just any Young Boy, we're talking about this one.

    From what I heard, he was rooting for the Blue and Yellow long before the Splash Brothers started making them fun again. Now you know he's legit.

    The PWR faithful have noticed this Young Boy's very useful skill: being extra insurance for death-defying moves. His tall frame makes for extra surface area to land on, not to mention his sturdiness to endure multiple hits and bruises. Okay lang, malayo naman sa bituka.

    If all else fails, he can be used as a deadly battering ram to mow down your opponent.

    "Make sure you throw yourself with reckless abandon"—presumably what he said.

    Just saying, the count for dives intercepted by this particular Young Boy during Wrevolution X was 10. I'm sure the wrestlers can set a new record then.

    Best fit for: Kuya Migs. Imagine Rosales suplexing that Young Boy onto a prone Vlad. Someone make that happen


    "Si Junjun po yon!"—a kid standing by himself, shaking in terror.

    No 90s kid worth his/her salt can deny the immediate fear of God that materializes whenever we see an alpombra being held.

    This is no ordinary slipper, mind you. The scarily tough and rigid sole of the alpombra makes it quite a painful experience, far worse than the stinging sensation of a leather belt. This is blunt force trauma on our candy asses.

    "This hurts me more than it hurts you"—clearly the biggest lie ever told during our childhood

    Best fit for: Tito Joey Bax. Clearly, he needs to be doling out some discipline on some much deserving people this Sunday.


    Move over, sitaw.

    With Wrevolution X just concluding, we're pretty much on our way to a new season of PWR. New storylines, new wrestlers, and of course new weaponized produce.

    As a natural disinfectant, lemon juice is pretty much a bitch when it comes in contact with any open wounds or cuts. With this being an All Out War match, and with the participants involved, you can be sure that someone's going to end up bleeding.

    But don't worry. If it's organic, don't panic.

    ...that's not organic.
    Best fit for: Mike Madrigal. He's kupal enough to know that his opponents could always use a bit of extra seasoning.


    I need you right now.

    We've all needed that quick boost of energy to get us started in the morning. It perks us up, helping us deal with the BS that happens in life.

    But coffee can also be detrimental for you. When scalding hot, it can cause severe burns when "accidentally" coming in contact with skin. Even at normal temperatures, too much caffeine can cause heart palpitations and other severe ailments

    Coffee improves your mood...and sanity.

    Best fit for: Vlad Sinnsyk. There's a completely unfounded rumour that Vlad Sinnsyk may have worked in corporate before losing his mind.

    Seeing as how deadlines and unrealistic clients can cause some people to wish death upon the source of pain, it may not entirely be so dumb of an idea. Too much coffee drove him over the edge, causing him to commit something so heinous that he had to be locked away, broken in mind and spirit.

    Yep, completely unfounded and made up.

    There you have it, folks! Of course, you can always bring your own weapons of choice as long as you make sure its not something illegal. Or extremely flammable.


    PWR LIVE: Resbak will be held at the Foton Showroom, Pasong Tamo Ext., Makati City. Gates open at 2pm. Tickets at the door will be P400 each, but discounted prices will be made available for early bird and bundle purchases. You may contact them here, as well as to check for any and all updates regarding the event.
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    Item Reviewed: PWR Live: Resbak—We Want Weapons Rating: 5 Reviewed By: George Carlos Pastor
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