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    Friday, May 27, 2016

    Who's Who in PWR High?

    In just a little over 24 hours, the Philippine Wrestling Revolution universe is set to take part in its annual event of events, Wrevolution X! Much has happened since last year's edition, and we can safely say that much more is in store when the PWR roster showcases its mettle in the squared circle,

    Of course, there will be many of you out there who may wonder who the different PWR stars are. There may be a number of you who've only recently encountered the beauty that is Philippine Wrestling Revolution, Many of you may wonder, why is Jericho Rosales wearing spandex pants?

    He went through a phase. A not so sexy phase.

    Don't worry dear newb readers and friends, we here at Smark Henry have got you covered. We're going to make things quick and easy for all of you by putting the entire PWR roster in the most easily relatable category ever:

    High School.

    For many, high school has been that stepping stone out of the kiddie cesspool of elementary/grade school, or whatever the hell they call it nowadays. It also happens to be the joyous time in their lives when puberty hits hard and hair grows in new places. They experiment with different fads and trends, slowly fitting in to roles that will, quite frankly, only last a couple of years,

    Just because you grew a mustache early doesn't make you look more distinguished, pube face.

    So let's take a trip down memory lane and put ourselves back into our khaki pants with pressed polo uniforms (top bottom undone kasi cool ka), our school regulated hairstyles, and our socially awkward selves as we enter your classroom in PWR High.

    The Student Body

    Classical Bryan Leo. The current PWR High Student Leader. A transferee student who believes in his heart that he is the one true and rightful leader of the PWR High student body because he came from a first world country. Also heads the school's future entrepreneurs club.

    "The Senyorito" Jake De Leon. JDL moved to Manila from Bacolod to study. His family owns a plantation and is very well off. He's a man of the people, after all. Plays shooting guard in the basketball team as well as its co-captain.

    Ralph Imabayashi. One of the youngest members of PWR High. That kid who always likes to fight, no matter who the opponent is.

    John Sebastian. The angas who hit puberty early on and grew a mustache that he's extremely proud of. He has a habit of leaning a lot against railings.

    Scarlett. The crush ng bayan kind of girl, where everything she does is just perfect. Whether it be breaking hopes and dreams or simply breaking hearts, she refuses to have a man dictate her actions. Want her as your girlfriend? Asa ka pa, boi.

    Main Maxx. Silent star athlete. Despite his size, Main Maxx is quick on his feet with a mean streak that makes him the easy pick as the PWR High's basketball team team captain and center.

    Peter Versoza used to be close friends with Prof. SANDATA until he got tired of hanging out at the Fil department because it wasn't getting him girls. Now he's friends with the cool kids.

    "The Social Media Sinister" Ken Warren. that guy who is never not on his cellphone. Updates his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit, Snapchat, and Tumblr accounts regularly. Surprisingly has never had his gadgets confiscated yet.

    Miguel Rosales & Joey Bax. Co-Sergeants 4 Arms. They're there to police the student body and follow the orders of whoever is in charge. They have a list of people who are standing, noisy, and aren't speaking in English.

    Chris Panzer. The PWR High version of Chris Tiu. Former team captain, papa-power forward.

    Mark D. Manalo. The promdi class clown who likes to hang out with everybody. Close friends with Kanto Terror.

    Rederick Mahaba. That hopeless romantic friend and well-meaning class clown who always gets basted. You gotta hand it to him: he has dem cojones.

    James "Idol" Martinez. That guy who had the bright idea to sell emergency school supplies before quiz time. 1/4th pad paper ba 'kamo?

    "Big Bank" Bruno Bernardo. That guy who carries around all those emergency school supplies.

    Chino "The Golden Boy" GuintoSiya yung kupal mong classmate na di nagbabalik ng hiniram na ballpen. Fuck you, Chino.

    "The Machine" Mavericc Knight. That guy who repeated a year, making him one of the older and bigger students. Knows how to drive.

    Vintendo. That kid who always has the newest games on the newest gadgets, and always gets beat up on. He got a gym membership and started doing sports because of the bullying.

    Yohann Ollores. That super rich kid who always hangs out at Starbucks after school to meet with his fake but equally-rich friends.

    The Administration

    Mr. Sy. That's PRINCIPAL SY to you, kids. Principal, Student, Principal, Student. Principal, Student.

    Bombay Suarez. Due to budget constraints, he's the PE teacher and Guidance Counselor of the school. Always keeps a lighter in his chest pocket and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. Must be really into hand sanitation.

    SANDATA. Your overly libog Filipino prof who is really into sports. Libog means passionate, guys. Wag kayo dirty.

    Kanto Terror. Pinoy Groundskeeper Willy. Drunk on the job half of the time, claims to know all the ghost stories in the school, and ogles all the cute female students.

    Crystal. That new teacher who was a former athlete back in college and has kept herself fit. That prof who every male student has a crush on.

    Matt Roxas. Head of Student Disciplinary Services, also referees the sports activities in the school

    Ben Vitacion. Assistant Head of SDS, referees as well.


    The Apocalypse. The school ghost who haunts the third floor and appears if you forget to flush the toilet.


    Who would be your squad in PWR High, Henrinites? And on a scale of 1 to 10, how much trouble do you think the profs have in handling The Machine? Let us know in the comments below, and we'll see you all at Wrevolution X!


    Wrevolution X is happening at 7 PM on Saturday, May 28, 2016 at the iAcademy Auditorium on H.V. Dela Costa Street. You can get directions here. Tickets are available for P400 and can be purchased at the door or at select partner establishments.
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    Item Reviewed: Who's Who in PWR High? Rating: 5 Reviewed By: George Carlos Pastor
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