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    Saturday, December 19, 2015

    Joey Ryan Signs Up With YouPorn

    Forget the WWE—Joey Ryan, the popular indie darling whose penis broke the Internet, is signing up with the biggest company in the universe: YouPorn.

    You may remember the short video clip that recently went viral of the King of Dong Style using his magnificent, well, accessory to win a test of strength with the flamboyant Danshoku Dino.

    The world loves a man with a talented pututoy, and the Internet adult entertainment company was quick to swoop in and ink Ryan to a contract.

    Never fear, pure-hearted wrestling fans, the man who once competed with a "Size Matters" gimmick during a blink-and-you'll-miss-it stint with TNA won't actually be appearing in, uhm, intergender matches of a different flavor, but will simply be acting in a spokesperson role for YouPorn Sports, a division devoted to signing up emerging athletes from various sports.

    "I'm more like a brand ambassador," Ryan said in an interview with Rolling Stone. "They've already given me a bunch of hats and T-shirts—I'm wearing one of the hats right now."

    The King of Dong Style, errbody. 

    For the meantime, this just means we'll be seeing Joey Ryan doing things like renaming his finisher into the "YouPorn Plex" and wearing YouPorn-branded swag to the ring.

    This is a great deal for the 10-year veteran journeyman who's travelled the world over, put up Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (PWG), signed up for the second season of Lucha Underground, and is perhaps the only wrestler in the world with a t-shirt dedicated to celebrating the strength of his manhood.

    We can't argue about the financial stability and flexibility this new deal will give Joey Ryan—those things are the Holy Grail for any independent wrestler, and will go a long way in making sure the most glorious mustache in all of pro wrestling thrives in the lap of luxury for a couple of weeks at least.

    What do you think of this new development for the man with the strongest penis in all of wrestling? Do you think Joey Ryan's dick is taking over the world, or is this just more backyard frivolity? Let us know in the comments below.

    P.S. Yo, Kanto Terror, habol ka daw. 
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